Choosing What Is Worth Building
- Fenny Kanagaraj
- Dec 30, 2025
- 2 min read
Every New Year brings familiar intentions. Eat better. Be more consistent. Do less of what doesn’t help. These goals usually come from a good place, but they are often framed around restriction rather than growth.
That way of thinking doesn’t stay limited to personal habits. It easily carries into family life. As parents, we want the best for our children. It can be tempting to step in quickly, set big goals for them, or take over tasks they could manage on their own.
Research on New Year’s resolutions offers an important insight here.
A large year-long study following over a thousand people found that change lasted longer when goals focused on what people wanted to build, rather than what they wanted to stop or avoid. The study also found that moderate support worked better than pressure. Too much monitoring, control, or rigid expectations actually reduced success.
For example, instead of setting a goal like “stop snacking” or “avoid carbs,” people were more successful when goals focused on building something concrete, such as “establish regular meals” or “create a sustainable routine.”
What stood out was that success wasn’t only about behavior. People who felt successful also reported greater confidence and improved quality of life over time.
This perspective shapes how growth and support can be approached in families and everyday life. Whether in personal growth or parenting, change tends to last when people feel supported without being controlled, and trusted to take ownership rather than managed through constant correction.
As the year begins, perhaps the question isn’t, What needs fixing?
But, what is worth building?
Source: Oscarsson et al. (2020). A large-scale experiment on New Year’s resolutions. PLOS ONE.
